Monday, May 29, 2006

How I Feel About Anthony

Anthony is my heart and my whole world. He comes second only to God in my life. We have been friends since roughly December of 2004 or January of 2005. We have been in love since February of 2005, and we have been officially together since April 10, 2005. Anthony gave me a promise ring on December 25, 2005. I'm hoping that he'll propose to me soon! I want to be able to call him my fiancé. I really want to be able to call him my husband, but that will have to wait until money permits.

Anthony is my best friend in the whole world. When I first met him I thought he was too cool to ever want to talk to me. He listens to all the best music, he has about a million CDs, he has cool friends, he goes to awesome concerts, he's got a snazzy gotee, he's just cool by the way he acts and just being himself. Plus he's a strong Christian, which is exactly what I've always wanted in a man. He's just so awesome! But he did talk to me, and I'm glad he did. I've told him all of my secrets and he's never spilled them to anyone. He's told me all of his secrets, and I'm glad he has. With my other friends I sometimes want to tell or talk about their secrets, but with Anthony my lips are sealed and I never even have the temptation to talk about them. What I think is too personal or embarrassing to talk about with anyone else, I talk about openly with Anthony. We know everything about each other. We make each other feel better when one of us is sad. We are inseperable. Without Anthony's friendship, I would crumble into a million unrecognizable pieces.

Anthony is my soulmate. We are so much alike that I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that we were meant for each other. I believe that God intends for some people to be alone and for others to be together. For those He intends to be together, He hand designs a soulmate for them who will be their life-long companion. Anthony was designed for me, and I was designed for him. Everything about us is alike. One time I made the remark that I was worried I would never get married because I'm an extremely picky eater and I wouldn't be able to cook much for my husband because I'm also a terrible cook. Anthony replied that he had always worried he would never get married because he's an incredibly picky eater and he was worried that his wife would get tired of cooking the same thing all the time! I knew right then and there that we would spend eternity together. As funny a way as that sounds to seal the deal, God works in mysterious ways, and it was part of how I knew that Anthony was "The One."

Anthony is the love of my life. No kidding, it was love at first sight. The first time I ever laid eyes on Anthony, I heard a voice in my head say "I'm gonna marry him someday." Ever since then I haven't been able to go 24 hours without contact with him in some shape, form, or fashion. Now I can't picture my future, not even 5 minutes from now, without him in it. He treats me so so good! (I know that's improper English, but Anthony deserves the word "good.") He makes me feel good about myself, and that's a feat! He takes care of me emotionally and spiritually--he keeps me happy and he keeps me on the right track with God. He's the only thing that keeps me going sometimes. I love Anthony with everything that's in me! When I'm in his arms the whole world dissolves around me and it's just me feeling his heart beat under my head on his chest and him stroking my hair with his hands that I like so much. When I stare into his gorgeous blue eyes, I know I'm home. Our song ("Captivated" by Slow Coming Day) says over and over "I am helpless for you," and that's exactly how I feel about Anthony. I love him I love him I love him! Sometimes me and Anthony say that we wish there was a bigger word for love that meant more than just "love" so we could say it to each other. Maybe part of the reason that I'm fascinated with foreign languages is that I'm looking for that word. I'll find it one day. I'll tell Anthony that I love him with that word, and maybe I'll feel like I've done this feeling some justice.

Love is not a big enough word to describe the way I am captivated by Anthony.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

The Great Abortion

Now that I've graduated, which was completely anti-climactic, I've made some conclusions about it. Graduation is a great abortion. Like an aborted child, I've been ripped away from what was once my life source. All that I knew was dissolved in an instant like a baby prematurely ripped from the protective bubble of the mother's womb, its head unceremoniously crushed and its body sucked out by a vacuum, later to be burned. Only, the burning was good. I didn't cry at graduation, because I didn't feel like my head was being crushed and my heart sucked out. I didn't feel like I was saying goodbye to very much, or at least not very much worth saying goodbye to. I didn't really lose any friends, because the people I left behind all turned out to not be real friends, and that doesn't hurt at all.

In the line-up I kept waiting to be washed over with sadness, or even happiness or excitement--any kind of emotion. But really, I was just going through the motions. I saw graduation as just one more thing I had to do to get my diploma. Anti-climactic is a very good word for it. I kept waiting for this spectacular event to take place, and it was all over in an hour and a half--less time than we spent practicing and less time than we spent at Honors Day.

Twelfth in my class of 358, and my name wasn't any more special than anyone else's they called. We were all exactly the same as we walked across that stage, just as we are now, on our way to where ever we're going. But I guess because I've always seen us all as equals, and always seen everything we worked for in high school as nothing more than an attempt to earn a piece of paper that looked just like everyone else's, it didn't come as a shock when that's what happened.

I guess that's just it. I didn't leave a piece of me behind at the high school, I didn't lose any really great friendship, I don't miss anything about it.

Friday, May 12, 2006

The DaVinci Nonsense

I have recently (as in yesterday) finished reading The DaVinci Code for the first time. Not because the movie will be coming out a week from tomorrow, but because my English teacher assigned it. Tomorrow we will meet him in front of the school where he will divide us into our assigned groups and give us clues to follow so we can find the test. Once we find it, we have to run back to the classroom so that we have time to take it before the bell rings. Unfortunately, none of the people in my group are quite as intelligent as I would have liked them to be. But I am getting off the point.

What I wanted to say is, I really don't understand what all the Christians are freaking out about in this book--and that's coming from a rather devout Charismatic. I see what they would be so concerned about if this book were either non-fiction or being passed off as non-fiction, but it's not. The cover clearly states under the title: A NOVEL. The three statements at the beginning of the FICTITIOUS STORY are the only things that are true about the book. All other things can be assumed or proven false and/or fabricated. Sure, the Dead Sea Scrolls and the Gnostic Gospels exist. And sure, Mary Magdalene was a real person and she had a close enough relationship with Jesus to be one of the first people to see Him alive after His crucifixion. But just because there are facts embeded in the story does not make it true. And keep this in mind, also: a fact is a statement but is not necessarily a truth.

--spoiler warning--
For those who haven't read the novel and therefore have no idea what I'm talking about, here's the basic run-down from memory. (Keep in mind as you read that this is fiction, not non-fiction.) The prominent curator of the Louvre (and later revealed as the Grand Master of the Priory of Sion [a group that protects the location of the Holy Grail]) Jacques Saunière is murdered by a man named Silas (an albino numerary in the Catholic sect Opus Dei who is following orders from a nameless and faceless "Teacher" [who later turns out to be Sir Leigh Teabing]) who has also murdered the other 3 top officials of the Priory in search of the keystone (which was supposedly created by the Priory around the 1980s as a way to locate the Grail). Saunière's estranged granddaughter (whom he raised) Sophie Neveu and American Harvard Religious Symbology Professor Robert Langdon get sucked into the murder as they try to simultaneously solve the murder and the mystery of the Holy Grail while on the run from the DCPJ (the French equivalent of the FBI). At the end, everything turns out right. The killer dies, the Teacher is arrested, Robert and Sophie are cleared and possibly in love, and Robert finds the Holy Grail in the very place the search started--the Louvre. (You can learn more about the novel here.)

The controversy comes from claims made by different (and more than one) characters in the book that the Christian (and more specifically Catholic) church is a maniacal, scheming organization that maliciously tried to stifle goddess and mother nature worship by falsly smearing the image of women and re-writing the Gospels to make Mary Magdalene look like a prostitute. While there is a glimmer of truth in the latter part of the statement, this is still a ridiculous thing to be upset over. I don't let it bother me. I have my faith and I have my truth, and I still have my God.

There was nothing in the book that offended me as a Christian. Maybe as a woman (sorry, I don't think I'd like to be worshipped), but it didn't hurt my faith. The only book I ever read that shook my faith was Conversations with God, the book with possibly most misleading title in the history of the universe. The DaVinci Code was just a good mystery, and the kind of puzzle I like to solve in my free time. I think I may have actually grown closer to God as a result of reading this book. It made me realize how blessed I am to have a personal relationship with Him that helps me discern the truth in the things I see and hear around me. One of my favorites phrases to remember: Satan can only tell you lies.

People are mad about the degrading depiction of the Catholic church and Opus Dei, and that's understandable. I get angry when people start saying things like, "Those tongue-speaking Charismatics are just making noise. You're not supposed to dance in church! They're lunatics!" But hey, what can we do about free speech? If we want it, everybody else's got to have it, too. Write a book about atheists and mystics and we'll call it even.

Case and point: chill out, my fellow God-loving Jesus-knowing truth-lovers! Faith is stronger than a best-selling novel. Robert Langdon says so himself, the Bible is the #1 best-seller of all time. If you haven't read the book, read it. Amuse yourself by pointing out all of the innaccuracies, discrepancies, lies, things you don't believe in, etc. and make yourself a blog entry about this.

God is bigger than the air we breathe, and God is bigger than Leonardo DaVinci.