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Monday, December 25, 2006

I'M ENGAGED!!!

YYYAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am SO HAPPY! Today when Anthony came to pick me up to take me to his grandma's house for Christmas he said "Oh yeah Amanda, I forgot to ask you something," then he got down on one knee, pulled the ring out of his pocket and said "Will you marry me?" I was like "YES I WILL!!!" I'm so giddy! I've been showing the ring off all day to all of his family and they've all just welcomed me right into the family! I can't wait to get home and show it to all of my family!

Friday, December 22, 2006

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

I have a busy weekend! Today is the office Christmas party at work, tomorrow night I am going to the Whatley family's (my dad's side) Christmas dinner for the first time in like 5 or 6 years, Sunday my family and maybe Anthony are having dinner at my house and maybe going ahead and opening our presents, and Monday I am spending Christmas day with Anthony and his family. I will get to see everyone in everybody's family in like 3 days, lol. It's gonna be great. I hope everyone else has as good of a Christmas as I am hoping to have. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everybody!

Thursday, November 2, 2006

Coolness

So far I know I've made a 93 on my Java programming test! I did pretty good on the stuff I've turned in so far this week and I think my test yesterday and my speech today went really well. What I'm worried about is my test in Logic tomorrow. I hate that class and I'm terrible at everything in it, and I really don't want to lose my scholarship over this stupid class that I have to take for my major.

In other news, I finally found a pre-marriage couple's devotional that I think me and Anthony will enjoy! There are lots out there, and we will probably end up going through them all (seeing as it'll be about 4 years from this month until we can get married). The one I ordered for us is Starting Out Together: A Devotional for Dating or Engaged Couples. It's only a two-month devotional, but that will last us from the day we get it until a little after we get engaged (Christmas, yay!), and once we're engaged we can move on to devotionals targeted towards engaged couples.

OH YEAH! MY MOM WENT BACK TO WORK TODAY!!!

That's all for today. I have to study and do some chores and it's 9:30. Blech. Bye!

Monday, October 30, 2006

Blog Entry

I have a test in Java Programming tomorrow, a test and a paper due in my Freshman Seminar on Wednesday, a current events speech to give in my Public Speaking class on Thursday, and a test in Logic on Friday. Not to mention two HUGE homework assignments in Calculus: one on indefinite integrals due on Wednesday and one on definite integrals and the area under the curve due on Friday. We're supposed to go over each assignment the day we turn it in, but I don't know how much that'll help me. Integrals are beyond me, and all they are is the antiderivitive, and I've got the derivitive thing down!

User-defined Methods and Semantic Tableaux and Integrals, OH MY!

I just thought I would make a quick blog entry to help ease my headache before I continued cramming for Java. Please pray that I make it through this week alive, lol.

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Too Busy for My Own Good

Full-time college and part-time work consumes my time, lol. I actually took homework with me to do in the car when I went shopping with my parents today, lol. So yeah, we went to the Riviera Center and I bought me some new pink and black Vans. I already have some pink and black Vans, but I've had them for like two years, lol. I also bought some ornaments from the Disney Outlet Store. A family tradition around here is that every year everybody gets a nice, new ornament to put on the tree every year. Since we're not having a big Christmas this year (which is normally our family's trademark), I bought the ornaments for myself and my two brothers. My parents couldn't afford it. Heck, they're asking me to pay next month's rent, they definitely can't afford any extras! The good news is, my mom is supposed to go back to work Thursday, which is the day my friend Brittanie should be having her baby, so my mom will probably take care of her baby, and that will rock. Just pray that my mom gets to go back to work this week, because if she doesn't, I don't know what we're gonna do. Anyways, have a great week everyone!

Monday, October 2, 2006

What is Going On

So, school is hard right now.

My math class is getting difficult, but my teacher realizes that and we've slowed down so that we have more time to absorb everything and that's making it alot better. Today was the third day we've spent on the same 2 principles of derivatives, lol. But tonight (or tomorrow, which ever one I feel like more) I'll take my huge homework assignment from Friday home and correct it all (he's letting us all redo the assignment because hardly any of us understood it) and then I'll be up to speed in that class.

I just finished a very difficult program in Java. I wrote the entire program the wrong way (although it gave the correct output the processes were wrong and you can get serious points off for that) and had to rewrite it here at work. I am finished with it though and it is correct now.

I'm taking tomorrow off work to study for my mid-term in Logic, which I'm probably going to fail anyway (and no, I'm not just saying that--I've made Ds on all the homework). My only saving grace in that class is that our teacher has promised us that if we just show up to every class and turn in every homework assignment we'll get at least a C, so that's what I'm shooting for. This is the hardest class and the most difficult subject matter I have ever faced in my entire life. It's just ungraspable. Maybe one C won't bring my GPA down to where I lose my scholarship if I make an A in everything else.

My Freshman Seminar and Information Technology in Society classes aren't necessarily difficult (I practically sleep through IT in Society, lol), but they both require us to write a huge paper about every other week. The teachers claim that some study was done about CIS careers and the surveryors asked companies what they wish they could improve about the CIS people they were hiring and the number one answer was "We wish they had better writing skills." So we have to practice, practice, practice by writing ridiculously long papers about stuff to do with computers. Blech.

Public Speaking is hands down my favorite class this semester. It's easy, it's fun, my teacher is hillarious, my classmates are awesome (and for once there's a room full of people who are nice to me, lol), and I've got an A in there. I'm giving my Informative Speech this Thursday on "How to Make a Website." Like the last two, this class isn't hard, there's just alot of writing to do (I have to write my speeches).

So yeah, that's what's going on with me in school right now. Work is kind of slow lately (thus the reason I'm typing this from there, lol) and church is awesome. That's all.

Just an Update

So, school is hard right now.

My math class is getting difficult, but my teacher realizes that and we've slowed down so that we have more time to absorb everything and that's making it alot better. Today was the third day we've spent on the same 2 principles of derivatives, lol. But tonight (or tomorrow, which ever one I feel like more) I'll take my huge homework assignment from Friday home and correct it all (he's letting us all redo the assignment because hardly any of us understood it) and then I'll be up to speed in that class.

I just finished a very difficult program in Java. I wrote the entire program the wrong way (although it gave the correct output the processes were wrong and you can get serious points off for that) and had to rewrite it here at work. I am finished with it though and it is correct now.

I'm taking tomorrow off work to study for my mid-term in Logic, which I'm probably going to fail anyway (and no, I'm not just saying that--I've made Ds on all the homework). My only saving grace in that class is that our teacher has promised us that if we just show up to every class and turn in every homework assignment we'll get at least a C, so that's what I'm shooting for. This is the hardest class and the most difficult subject matter I have ever faced in my entire life. It's just ungraspable. Maybe one C won't bring my GPA down to where I lose my scholarship if I make an A in everything else.

My Freshman Seminar and Information Technology in Society classes aren't necessarily difficult (I practically sleep through IT in Society, lol), but they both require us to write a huge paper about every other week. The teachers claim that some study was done about CIS careers and the surveryors asked companies what they wish they could improve about the CIS people they were hiring and the number one answer was "We wish they had better writing skills." So we have to practice, practice, practice by writing ridiculously long papers about stuff to do with computers. Blech.

Public Speaking is hands down my favorite class this semester. It's easy, it's fun, my teacher is hillarious, my classmates are awesome (and for once there's a room full of people who are nice to me, lol), and I've got an A in there. I'm giving my Informative Speech this Thursday on "How to Make a Website." Like the last two, this class isn't hard, there's just alot of writing to do (I have to write my speeches).

So yeah, that's what's going on with me in school right now. Work is kind of slow lately (thus the reason I'm typing this from there, lol) and church is awesome. That's all.

Sunday, October 1, 2006

Rant

Parents: "Hey Amanda, we've decided just to up and leave and ride around town, wasting gas money. We know you've got a speech to write, a Java program to write, a mid-term to study for, and a huge Calculus assignment to do on top of all your laundry, but could you do our laundry too? Oh, and we expect it to be done by the time we get back. Clean our room, your room, the living room, and watch the boys. Remember, don't spend any money on pizza or anything, because in a week or two we're gonna squeeze you dry for cash since your mom's out of work, and in the meantime we'll be using our money to go out on the weekends. See you later sucker!"

Friday, September 29, 2006

I Need a Break

October is going to be a busy month for me. Concerts, costume parties, mid-terms, a big programming assignment due, basketball starting and other related events that I have to go to, class content is getting harder, my mom is going to be out of work all this month and part of next month, etc., etc. Tonight I'm going with Anthony to buy tickets for the Skillet concert we're going to at the House of Horrors on the 20th and then we're getting some ice cream. I feel guilty about going out because I have so much homework to do. All this and I'm really stressed out about my family's money situation. Prayers and encouragement would be great. Thank you so much to all of those who have kept my family and myself in your prayers.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

My Sorority Fiasco

So, I decided I wanted to Rush this year. I don't know why, I just wanted to do it. So I signed up for Rush and went to the parent/daughter orientation. Then I dropped out. Why you ask? Money was tight and I didn't have all the money for all the fees I was going to have to pay (like initiation fees, etc.) so I dropped out before the first official night of Rush. I didn't want to spend my time going through Rush and getting attached to all the girls if at the end of it I wasn't going to be able to join anyway, so I dropped out. But I still wanted to join a sorority.

Enter Alpha Gamma Delta. These girls have been nice to me and invited me to alot of stuff, and I really do want to go to all the things they invite me to because I want to meet them and talk to them about joining. But everytime I get invited to something, I'm not able to go. Let's break this down:

Bid night party - too short on notice (the Pi Chi called me at about 4 and said she'd pick me up at about 5, lol), couldn't go.

Movie night at their house - My parents decided to take me to Pensacola shopping with them and we were gone ALL DAY LONG! By the time we got back I was too tired to go anywhere. So I didn't go.

Phi Mu cookout - Actually, I forgot about tihs one. I needed to go to it anyway to get a school event credit for my freshman seminar, but I completely forgot what day it was and missed it by accident.

Party at their house - My mom tore all of the ligaments AND the tendon in her thumb bowling the day of the party and had to go to the emergency room. I had to stay home and take care of her because she was zonked out on pain medication and she can't do anything without her right hand.

Alpha Gam Jam - Anyone who knows me or who has ever heard me sing knows that a karaoke party is my DREAM hang out. I was SO geared up to go to Alpha Gam Jam because I wanted to sing and I wanted to FINALLY meet the sisters and talk to them about joining. But, it was the day my mom had surgery and I had to make a prescription/coke run to Wal-Mart, you guessed it, just as I was going to leave and head for the sorority commons. Then Wal-Mart messed up her prescription and it ended up taking 2 HOURS to get it filled. So much for Alpha Gam Jam.

So that's it. I'm sure the Alpha Gam girls think I'm trying to avoid them, but I'm really not. And now, since my mom is gonna be out of work for 6 weeks (at least) and I have to pick up the slack with my tiny paychecks and what's left of my student loan from this semester, I'm back where I started: I can't join a sorority because I don't have the money.

God, is this a sign?

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

It Never Ends

I'm having such a bad day. My mom just had surgery, I had to miss work today (so I'm not getting paid), I have a horrible headache, my right knee is hurting so bad I want to cut it off, and Anthony's mad at me because I can't talk to him as much as he wants me to. I wish I could just die right now, but I have to take care of my brother and my mom, then I have to go to a stupid karaoke thing (because I'm required to go to a bunch of events for my Freshman Seminar class) tonight while missing my favorite show and my call with Anthony (who's mad at me anyway), and if I were to die right now I'd be in trouble for not being there for everybody when they needed me.

My knee is absolutely pulsing with pain.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Life

So my mom hurt her hand and has to have surgery tomorrow. She will be out of work for a very long time and we don't really have the money to cover all that time. Which also means we probably won't have a Christmas this year, and big Christmases are my family's specialty. So things won't be the same around here for about 6 months to maybe even a year. I hate that. Because the money that's gonna be used to pay for my mom's losses is the money that I was gonna pay for my next year of college with. Money is tight right now in the worst way, on top of the fact that my mom's worried about having surgery and I'm worried about her too. I'm trying so hard to practice what I preach: "Let go and let God." But with something this big I'm having trouble. I know I need to trust God to help us through these difficulties and I do, but I can't stop worrying! Please pray for me you guys. In the midst of all this I have at least 3 tests this week and in about 15 minutes I'll be leaving and heading to my youth small group Discipleship Class (which I have to complete in order to lead my own small group next quarter). Life is tough right now, so everyone please pray pray pray and I will too. Words of encouragement would rock. Thanks.

Friday, August 25, 2006

My First Week of College

Alright, here we go! All about my first week of college/work.

Monday
I got to school to find myself in the world's worst parking nightmare. I finally parked and went to my Logic class (9:05-9:55). Then I left and wanted to move my car closer to my next class. Mmm...didn't work. First, I hit another car (just traded some paint and the person I hit never cared) but at the time I was FREAKING OUT. So after that I drove around for over 20 minutes trying to find another place to park. Finally found one even farther away from my next class than the space before it, walked half-way across campus to my CIS Freshman Seminar (10:10-11:00) and got there late. I'm the only girl in there, lol. Then I walked to my CIS 120 Problem Solving and Programming Concepts I class (11:15-12:05) which is right by Freshman Seminar. It was cool, but then I had to catch JagTran to go to my Calculus and It's Applications class (12:20-1:10) which was much easier than it sounds. Then I rode JagTran to work at Web Services (1:30-5) and got in 5 minutes late. Work went pretty well.

Tuesday
I got to school an hour and a half before my first class and was able to park right behind work! At about 9:15 I walked to the Mitchell Center for my Public Speaking class (9:30-10:45). Then I went to my CIS 120 lab (11:00-12:15) and downloaded a bunch of Java software. Then I went to the Student Center (our equivalent of the proverbial "quad") and sat down in the cafeteria. After a while of studying, Nathan came in and I went over and talked to him for a while. Turns out we both work on campus now (but I bet I make almost twice what he makes). But it was about to start raining, so I had to leave and go to work (1-5), but I didn't make it, lol. I got wet on the way there. Work was hard today.

Wednesday
Same classes as Monday, except that I got there early and parked at work again. After a hard day of classes, and finally catching the JagTran at about 1:20 (I was due at work at 1:30 and it's a 20-minute circuit). At the stop after the one I got on at, I happened to look to my right as we were pulling away, and to my absolute horror, THERE WAS WORK!!! All that time I could've been walking, and it was a shorter walk that took less time than the walk from my Logic class to my computer classes! I got to work at 1:45 determined to walk the next time.

Thursday
I only have one class on Thursdays, Public Speaking (9:30-10:45). After class I went to the Student Center and found my friend Brett that went to high school with me in there. I got some pizza (huge mistake: 2 pieces and a coke was $6 and it tasted awful!) and sat and ate with him for a while. Then I saw my old HS friend Shelby and talked to her for a while before going to work (11:30-5). Work was great this day.

Today
I went to the same classes as Monday and Wednesday except that Freshman Seminar is IT in Society on Fridays. I walked to and from my math class, and it didn't take long at all! I'm walking there and back from now on. I worked from 1:30-5 again today and it was really easy, because I was in my boss' office 95% of the time I was there going over the work I had done this week and making any necessary corrections.

And here I am! I think I'm gonna start liking college.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

No Rush for Me

I called my Rush counselor today, on the first official day of Rush, and told her I was dropping out. After the Parent/Daughter Orientation yesterday, I decided that it just wasn't for me. I can't afford it and it takes time away from other things that matter more, like studying and spending time with God and Anthony. So I'm not going to join a sorority after all. I think maybe God was pulling at my heartstrings not to go through with it. Maybe it's because I didn't pray about it before signing up and then writing a $50 check for it, lol. I am officially withdrawn, and I'm gonna go spend some time in the Word now and ask God's forgiveness for trying to do something so big without asking Him about it first.

Monday, August 7, 2006

I GOT A JOB!!!

I GOT A JOB! Friday I mailed my resume to Web Services at University of South Alabama (where I'm going to school) because they were hiring a student assistant web designer. Today I got a call from Jim (he's my boss now!) asking me if I could come in for an interview. So today at 3 I went in and talked to him. He and the woman who were interviewing me (I forgot her name, sorry!) both loved me and hired me! I'm working Monday-Friday from 1-5 PM and I get paid $10 an hour!!! The job doesn't interfere with any of my classes, my church, my club meetings, my study time, or my phone calls with Anthony! I even get every weekend and every holiday off! It's so perfect!!! I'm even allowed to do homework on the job when I don't have a work assignment! Thank the Lord God in Heaven for this awesome work opportunity! Jim even said that most of the student assistants get hired on full time when they graduate! I'm so unbelievably happy!!!

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Church Life

Dear Lord,

I went to church Sunday! I'm getting better at that. It seems like once a month I go a week without church (or in some cases, once a week I go a month without church). I know that going to church is not the most important part of my relationship with You, but it's in the Bible and it's a good idea. I get nurtured there. Not as much as I used to, but I do; and I learn alot about You and the Bible and prayer, which I desperately need to hear. I get fellowship there. Not as much as I'd like, but I guess that's partially my fault because I don't talk to people enough. I wish I could get closer to You by going to church, the way I used to.

I guess what I'm asking is that You help me get more out of church. Show me how to make more friends to have Christian fellowship with so that I can have people to talk to about You and about anything. Show me how to worship You with reckless aband while the music is live and free and all about You so that I can feel Your presence. Show me how to absorb the message the pastor delivers and make something out of it so that I can make my everyday life more about You. Show me how to give generously and cheerfully so that I can reap the benefits. Show me how to get more out of church so that I can get closer to You!

Lord, help me get closer to You in every way: in my Bible study, in my prayer life, and in my church going. I'm not going to stop praying about this until I can feel You near me everyday. I love You with all my heart and soul, Lord, and I know You love me even more than that, and I want to feel that love the way only You can make me feel it.

Thank You for sending Your only Son to die in my place so that I can be Your imperfect child, rambling about not being able to feel You when You're right here with me even as I speak. I am not worthy to come to You like this: whenever and however I want. But You welcome me with open arms everytime I come. And for that, I will love You for all eternity. Please, come closer and let me feel Your love for me.

Your Humble Servant,
Amanda

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Working on My Prayer Life

Dear Lord,

I've been reading my Bible a little bit more often (well, alot more often than I used to, but not as much as I should or I'd like to) and it's helping me feel a little bit closer to You. I still can't stop picturing You as Someone far away up in the heavens looking down on me with vague concern, but I'm getting better. I'm working on meeting You where You really are--right here inside of me.

But while my Word life is improving, my prayer life is still blech. I want to have more organized prayer, and I think typing it is helping me to do that alot. Maybe it's time to dust off the old prayer journal for the times when I'm not online. After a while of written prayer, maybe I'll be ready to go back to spoken prayer and be good at it again. I guess that's why I pray in tongues so much now. I feel like I'm getting my point across so much more clearly when I can't understand what I'm saying.

I know You know what I'm saying whether or not I'm making any sense. I just need this for me. I feel like I would feel so much closer to You if I knew how to talk to you right. Please help me get this right, Lord, so I can talk to You the way You meant for Your children to talk to You.

Your Humble Servant,
Amanda

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

An Awesome Day

Today I went to the DMV to take my driver's test (again). Gosh, I'm such a terrible driver. I suck at it and I hate it and if I could get by without ever having to drive I would happily do so, lol. But anyways, I managed to get this:



That's right! I got it! w00t! So I was extremely happy about that.

Then I had to go to the doctor about my headaches. Luckily, it's not my migraines again and he didn't make me do an MRI! w00t for Dr. Sands! Lol. Anyways, Dr. Sands told me it was tension headaches (surprise surprise, lol) and that I'm allowed to take up to 4 Ibuprofen (in the words of Mr Night, wheeeeeeeeee) every 6-8 hours for them as needed. That's prescription strength, so don't worry about me ODing on advil, lol. While we were there my mom was like "Let's give her some shots!" Dr. Sands (awesome as he is) reacts like this to the word "shot:" So I got the first of 3 shots for HBV and I have to go in when they get the meningococcal (can you believe I can spell that? lol) vaccine, which there is a national shortage of.

Then I came home and talked to Anthony for a while. Then I got online and now I'm an other on the CR.net boards! w00t! I'm OtherXcore. Heck yeah. Today rocked, lol.

Friday, July 7, 2006

A Stupid, Stupid Human - Imperfect in Every Way

Dear God,

I'm not feeling the best today--my body is having trouble lining up with Your word as it far too often does--so I may not be in the best of spirits, but I need to talk to You badly. My prayer life lately has sucked. I don't even know what's going on and I'm not gonna try to make excuses for myself, it's my fault and that's all there is to it. I'm sorry.

I'm so distraught right now, and I have been for a while. I feel like I'm not even connected to You anymore. It's like You're not a part of me anymore, it's like You're some distant grandfather-type figure out in the cosmos somewhere taking a vague interest in my life. I want it to be like it was two years ago when I first recommitted my life to You. I want You now even worse than I needed You then. I want my God back.

I want to be filled with the Holy Spirit. I know I was before, but it's like it's all been drained out. I want effective prayer. When I pray it's like nothing's going on at all. There's nothing. I don't even know the words I could use anymore. I want you back in my life and I have for months now. I've been praying for it and it hasn't been happening. I don't know what to do anymore. Just tell me what I need to do to meet You where You are, please. I miss You.

~Amanda

Sunday, June 25, 2006

What About My Minor?

So, I have a college dilemma. I have 3 choices as to what to do about my minor, and I only have a few months to make the choice before it's time to register for spring semester. I've been praying about it, but I still don't know what to do. So I'm gonna ask for some advice. My major is Computer and Information Sciences with a concentration in Information Technology and a focus track in Web Design. I want to someday start my own web design company or work for a web design company. With that in mind, here are my 3 options:

No Minor - While this option is the cheapest and easiest, it would mean going through all the hard work and expense of college for only one degree.

Minor in German - This is the cheeper and easier of the 2 options that involve me leaving college with 2 degrees, but I probably wouldn't be able to use it practically in my chosen future career.

Minor in Art with a focus in Graphic Design - This is the hardest, most expensive option. It involves alot of hard work and alot of summer semester classes, and alot of art classes (like Perceptual Drawing I and II) that I would probably suck at. Even with all those cons, however, this option would be awesome for my future career in web design.

There you have it. Each option with its pros and cons, and I am completely lost as to which one to pick. I'm really leaning towards the last one, but I don't know. Any advice?

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Southbound Yay!

Yup, so I just got done packing for orientation tomorrow and Friday. The only thing I haven't packed is my laptop, because it would be pretty hard to make this entry if I had, lol. I don't want to go to orientation! A bunch of people telling you what college is gonna be like, and then registration for classes. This takes 2 days, why? Lol. I don't wanna stay in the dorm! I'm very picky about my sleeping arrangements, and I just know I'm not gonna be able to sleep on those beds. Oh well, I'll make it. The only things I want to do are change my major (I'm CIS and they have me down as Psych, which was my tentative major when I applied), register for my classes, and reserve my books. I don't care about all the other stuff, lol. I'll be taking my camera in an attempt to outdo CRockFan's orientation video. Lol. I guess that's all. My day is boring other than looking forward to orientation. Yup.

Monday, June 19, 2006

"All My Fault"

i wrote this just for you,
as sort of an apology,
and sort of an apathy

but no,
don't read it anymore,
my words offend

no more speaking between us,
because it's uncalled for,
and i have no right to talk to you

and as for my heart,
here it was,
but now i'm not so sure

does it have an owner,
or a lover,
for i know of no friend

try no more,
it doesn't matter,
because i can't feel

here i am numb,
and here i am torn,
and i know it's my fault this is happening to us

Monday, May 29, 2006

How I Feel About Anthony

Anthony is my heart and my whole world. He comes second only to God in my life. We have been friends since roughly December of 2004 or January of 2005. We have been in love since February of 2005, and we have been officially together since April 10, 2005. Anthony gave me a promise ring on December 25, 2005. I'm hoping that he'll propose to me soon! I want to be able to call him my fiancé. I really want to be able to call him my husband, but that will have to wait until money permits.

Anthony is my best friend in the whole world. When I first met him I thought he was too cool to ever want to talk to me. He listens to all the best music, he has about a million CDs, he has cool friends, he goes to awesome concerts, he's got a snazzy gotee, he's just cool by the way he acts and just being himself. Plus he's a strong Christian, which is exactly what I've always wanted in a man. He's just so awesome! But he did talk to me, and I'm glad he did. I've told him all of my secrets and he's never spilled them to anyone. He's told me all of his secrets, and I'm glad he has. With my other friends I sometimes want to tell or talk about their secrets, but with Anthony my lips are sealed and I never even have the temptation to talk about them. What I think is too personal or embarrassing to talk about with anyone else, I talk about openly with Anthony. We know everything about each other. We make each other feel better when one of us is sad. We are inseperable. Without Anthony's friendship, I would crumble into a million unrecognizable pieces.

Anthony is my soulmate. We are so much alike that I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that we were meant for each other. I believe that God intends for some people to be alone and for others to be together. For those He intends to be together, He hand designs a soulmate for them who will be their life-long companion. Anthony was designed for me, and I was designed for him. Everything about us is alike. One time I made the remark that I was worried I would never get married because I'm an extremely picky eater and I wouldn't be able to cook much for my husband because I'm also a terrible cook. Anthony replied that he had always worried he would never get married because he's an incredibly picky eater and he was worried that his wife would get tired of cooking the same thing all the time! I knew right then and there that we would spend eternity together. As funny a way as that sounds to seal the deal, God works in mysterious ways, and it was part of how I knew that Anthony was "The One."

Anthony is the love of my life. No kidding, it was love at first sight. The first time I ever laid eyes on Anthony, I heard a voice in my head say "I'm gonna marry him someday." Ever since then I haven't been able to go 24 hours without contact with him in some shape, form, or fashion. Now I can't picture my future, not even 5 minutes from now, without him in it. He treats me so so good! (I know that's improper English, but Anthony deserves the word "good.") He makes me feel good about myself, and that's a feat! He takes care of me emotionally and spiritually--he keeps me happy and he keeps me on the right track with God. He's the only thing that keeps me going sometimes. I love Anthony with everything that's in me! When I'm in his arms the whole world dissolves around me and it's just me feeling his heart beat under my head on his chest and him stroking my hair with his hands that I like so much. When I stare into his gorgeous blue eyes, I know I'm home. Our song ("Captivated" by Slow Coming Day) says over and over "I am helpless for you," and that's exactly how I feel about Anthony. I love him I love him I love him! Sometimes me and Anthony say that we wish there was a bigger word for love that meant more than just "love" so we could say it to each other. Maybe part of the reason that I'm fascinated with foreign languages is that I'm looking for that word. I'll find it one day. I'll tell Anthony that I love him with that word, and maybe I'll feel like I've done this feeling some justice.

Love is not a big enough word to describe the way I am captivated by Anthony.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

The Great Abortion

Now that I've graduated, which was completely anti-climactic, I've made some conclusions about it. Graduation is a great abortion. Like an aborted child, I've been ripped away from what was once my life source. All that I knew was dissolved in an instant like a baby prematurely ripped from the protective bubble of the mother's womb, its head unceremoniously crushed and its body sucked out by a vacuum, later to be burned. Only, the burning was good. I didn't cry at graduation, because I didn't feel like my head was being crushed and my heart sucked out. I didn't feel like I was saying goodbye to very much, or at least not very much worth saying goodbye to. I didn't really lose any friends, because the people I left behind all turned out to not be real friends, and that doesn't hurt at all.

In the line-up I kept waiting to be washed over with sadness, or even happiness or excitement--any kind of emotion. But really, I was just going through the motions. I saw graduation as just one more thing I had to do to get my diploma. Anti-climactic is a very good word for it. I kept waiting for this spectacular event to take place, and it was all over in an hour and a half--less time than we spent practicing and less time than we spent at Honors Day.

Twelfth in my class of 358, and my name wasn't any more special than anyone else's they called. We were all exactly the same as we walked across that stage, just as we are now, on our way to where ever we're going. But I guess because I've always seen us all as equals, and always seen everything we worked for in high school as nothing more than an attempt to earn a piece of paper that looked just like everyone else's, it didn't come as a shock when that's what happened.

I guess that's just it. I didn't leave a piece of me behind at the high school, I didn't lose any really great friendship, I don't miss anything about it.

Friday, May 12, 2006

The DaVinci Nonsense

I have recently (as in yesterday) finished reading The DaVinci Code for the first time. Not because the movie will be coming out a week from tomorrow, but because my English teacher assigned it. Tomorrow we will meet him in front of the school where he will divide us into our assigned groups and give us clues to follow so we can find the test. Once we find it, we have to run back to the classroom so that we have time to take it before the bell rings. Unfortunately, none of the people in my group are quite as intelligent as I would have liked them to be. But I am getting off the point.

What I wanted to say is, I really don't understand what all the Christians are freaking out about in this book--and that's coming from a rather devout Charismatic. I see what they would be so concerned about if this book were either non-fiction or being passed off as non-fiction, but it's not. The cover clearly states under the title: A NOVEL. The three statements at the beginning of the FICTITIOUS STORY are the only things that are true about the book. All other things can be assumed or proven false and/or fabricated. Sure, the Dead Sea Scrolls and the Gnostic Gospels exist. And sure, Mary Magdalene was a real person and she had a close enough relationship with Jesus to be one of the first people to see Him alive after His crucifixion. But just because there are facts embeded in the story does not make it true. And keep this in mind, also: a fact is a statement but is not necessarily a truth.

--spoiler warning--
For those who haven't read the novel and therefore have no idea what I'm talking about, here's the basic run-down from memory. (Keep in mind as you read that this is fiction, not non-fiction.) The prominent curator of the Louvre (and later revealed as the Grand Master of the Priory of Sion [a group that protects the location of the Holy Grail]) Jacques Saunière is murdered by a man named Silas (an albino numerary in the Catholic sect Opus Dei who is following orders from a nameless and faceless "Teacher" [who later turns out to be Sir Leigh Teabing]) who has also murdered the other 3 top officials of the Priory in search of the keystone (which was supposedly created by the Priory around the 1980s as a way to locate the Grail). Saunière's estranged granddaughter (whom he raised) Sophie Neveu and American Harvard Religious Symbology Professor Robert Langdon get sucked into the murder as they try to simultaneously solve the murder and the mystery of the Holy Grail while on the run from the DCPJ (the French equivalent of the FBI). At the end, everything turns out right. The killer dies, the Teacher is arrested, Robert and Sophie are cleared and possibly in love, and Robert finds the Holy Grail in the very place the search started--the Louvre. (You can learn more about the novel here.)

The controversy comes from claims made by different (and more than one) characters in the book that the Christian (and more specifically Catholic) church is a maniacal, scheming organization that maliciously tried to stifle goddess and mother nature worship by falsly smearing the image of women and re-writing the Gospels to make Mary Magdalene look like a prostitute. While there is a glimmer of truth in the latter part of the statement, this is still a ridiculous thing to be upset over. I don't let it bother me. I have my faith and I have my truth, and I still have my God.

There was nothing in the book that offended me as a Christian. Maybe as a woman (sorry, I don't think I'd like to be worshipped), but it didn't hurt my faith. The only book I ever read that shook my faith was Conversations with God, the book with possibly most misleading title in the history of the universe. The DaVinci Code was just a good mystery, and the kind of puzzle I like to solve in my free time. I think I may have actually grown closer to God as a result of reading this book. It made me realize how blessed I am to have a personal relationship with Him that helps me discern the truth in the things I see and hear around me. One of my favorites phrases to remember: Satan can only tell you lies.

People are mad about the degrading depiction of the Catholic church and Opus Dei, and that's understandable. I get angry when people start saying things like, "Those tongue-speaking Charismatics are just making noise. You're not supposed to dance in church! They're lunatics!" But hey, what can we do about free speech? If we want it, everybody else's got to have it, too. Write a book about atheists and mystics and we'll call it even.

Case and point: chill out, my fellow God-loving Jesus-knowing truth-lovers! Faith is stronger than a best-selling novel. Robert Langdon says so himself, the Bible is the #1 best-seller of all time. If you haven't read the book, read it. Amuse yourself by pointing out all of the innaccuracies, discrepancies, lies, things you don't believe in, etc. and make yourself a blog entry about this.

God is bigger than the air we breathe, and God is bigger than Leonardo DaVinci.

Thursday, March 2, 2006

My Seventh Trip to Disney World

Well, here's the run down of my vacation, from Friday to Thurday.

Friday
We loaded up the mini-van we rented (we have our own, but my mom likes renting cars for long trips) and hit the road at about 1 p.m. For nine. Straight. Freaking. Hours. I hate the trip down there, because it's always at night. So I can't read or anything. I have to watch Lilo and Stitch 5 times with no sound because my brothers take the headphones, lol. We got to the hotel at about 11 (counting the time change from Central to Eastern we lost an hour).

Saturday
We went to the Magic Kingdom for the first part of the day, went back to the hotel to eat, and when we went back to Magic Kingdom we did absolutely nothing because one of my brothers was claiming to be so sick he was about to pass out and demanded that we go back to the hotel. Well, that ruined my day.

Sunday
We went to Epcot the first part of the day. I bought myself some sunglasses and a souvenir for Anthony (I can't say what because it's a surprise and he might read this) at the Test Track gift shop. I love Test Track, lol. Nothing like going so fast that your hair flies out in front of you instead of behind. Then me and my brother rode Mission Space, which I love. Then me, my brother, and my dad all did Soarin', which is new. It was kinda lame for all the hype, but good within itself. We walked through the World Showcase and I bought so much junk food at the Germany pavillion, lol. My mom kept telling me to speak German with the people there, but I told her my accent would embarrass me in front of the native speakers. Then we went back to the hotel to eat and didn't go back to the parks, so I called Anthony with one of the 2 phone cards I bought.

Monday
We had a character breakfast at Chef Mickey's in the lobby (yes, the lobby, lol) of the Contemporary Resort at 8. It was funny, because we had 6-month-old reservations and had to wait for a table. I can't imagine what the walk-ins had to go through. But that was great. Lots of pictures and lots of food. Then we went to the Magic Kingdom again (since the monorail runs through the Contemporary anyway) so I could ride my 2 favorite rides in the world: Splash Mountain and Big Thunder Mountain. Me and my dad rode Splash, but all 3 times we tried to ride Big Thunder it broke down. So we took that as a sign and decided not to ride it. After another full day of Magic Kingdom, I bought Anthony another souvenir and we went back to the hotel and I called Anthony on my last phone card.

Tuesday
In the morning we went to Animal Kingdom. I really like Animal Kingdom. My dad and brother rode Expedition Everest, but I decided not to ride it until it's officially open. A soft opening seems too much like "Hey, let's see if it crashes with real people in it!" to me. So me, my mom, and my other brother rode Kali River Rapids. I love getting soaked at theme parks, lol. Then we went out to eat and went to MGM Studios. We went and saw that new Lights, Motors, Action! show, and that was about the craziest thing I have ever seen in my life. Some chick comes out speaking French and then they start ramping cars off of 18-wheelers and setting people on fire. Oh yeah, that's the Disney magic right there. Lol.

Wednesday
As we normally don't add a 5th day to our Disney vacations, we didn't really know what to do with ourselves today. We went to Animal Kingdom and did a couple of things, then we went out to eat at CiCi's pizza. After that we went back to Epcot for one last ride, then we went back to the hotl to pack and get ready to come home.

Today
We drove home. Nothing exciting about that, lol.

Well, that's all I have to say about that. (Lol, I watched Forest Gump while we were in Orlando.)

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Winter Jam

Winter Jam was awesome last night! They said there was probably 9,000 or more people there. They said it was one of the biggest crowds they've ever seen in any city at any Winter Jam. Me and Anthony and Brandon ended up sitting far from the stage. I tried to tell Anthony we needed to get there early, but he wouldn't listen. So next year we're getting there WAY before the doors open. But yeah, it was pretty cool. I saw alot of people I know, so that was cool. What sucked was afterwards. We tried to buy some merch, but there were too many people and it was late, so we went outside. Then we got lost on South's campus trying to find Anthony's car in the FREEZING night air. Finally we found it and went to McDonald's to eat, but it was packed already with other Winter Jam goers. So we just came to my house and ate a frozen pizza (cooked, of course). It turned out to be an OK night.

Today Anthony gave me a dozen roses and a box of chocolates for Valentine's Day! I gave him a special card and a cookie cake (he said he really wanted one, so I got him one). I love him! We went to church and it was pretty good this morning. I sat through the sermon wondering whether or not I really wanna have kids someday or not. Leaning towards not. But yeah, that's all for now. Comments, please! Bye!

Saturday, January 7, 2006

The New Semester

Hi guys! So, I guess I'll give you my school schedule for this semster.

1st block - German 2 with Dr. Doyle
2nd block - AP Government/Economics with Mr. Willmann
3rd block - Honors English 12 with Mr. Butler
4th block - Forensic Science with Mr. King

German is alot of fun. Holly unfortunately isn't in my block with me, but I still have Emilee and a couple other people I get along with pretty well in there to hang out with and work with. It'll be a great last semester in there. Dr. Doyle is one of my favorite teachers ever.

Government is great, but there's alot of reading. I have to read 1984 by George Orwell and a whole bunch of chapters EVERY WEEK in the huge, thick AP Government and Politics book. But Mr. Willmann was my favorite teacher when I had him all year last year, so of course I like him again this year. It'll be good in there because half the class has an awesome sense of humor.

Lunch is cool this semester. Me and Holly have the same lunch wave, and we don't eat on the concourse because the people we used to hang out with up there all have their own groups of friends to hang out with now. So me and Holly eat in the cafeteria with Kasey and Ariella and Kayla and T.J. It's great. They're all really nice, too.

English is SO HARD. We have to write like a million essays and read SO MUCH. Right now I have to read Jane Eyre in there, and I haven't started it yet. But I have a reading schedule set up for myself so that I'll finish it on time. I'm not gonna like the fact that we have to do about 4 or 5 group projects in there, because I absolutely HATE working in a group. I also don't really like Mr. Butler. I have a feeling I'm not gonna like this class too much, but I'll get through it by telling myself "May 18th and it's all over."

Forensic Science is pretty easy. We don't have a book or anything in there because this is the first year the schools have ever offered this class. We have to do a group project in there right now (my group is doing Charles Manson), but it's not so bad because one of my friends (Renee) is in my group. I don't like the guy in our group, but I'll get over it. This class looks like it's gonna be alot of fun. And Mr. King is a really nice and really easy (and fun) teacher, so I think this'll be a nice easy A to end my senior year with.

Well, I guess that's all for this entry guys. I've got alot of reading I've got to get done, and I got a letter from my German pen pal (Sarah, 16) today, so I need to go write her back. Leave me some comments! I really need some, because this week has been kinda tough for me. Bye!