Pages

Friday, February 18, 2005

A Much Better Day

Hey everyone! Today's been better. This morning was the best. I'm a member of my school's Christian club, Gamma Omega Delta, which meets every Friday morning. Well, this year some people who decided they didn't like Gamma formed their own group (which was unable to gain club status) called Fish, which is a Bible study that meets every morning.

Well, we have been trying to get the members of Fish to join us, and this morning they did. They all liked it, we made them feel as welcome as possible, and they are willing to band together with us for the walk-a-thon for Brandon Werstler.

I am getting pumped for this walk-a-thon. I know at least 3 people who are going to walk with me, and 2 radio stations and who knows how many bands are supposed to be there already. And it's not even untill April 16! I hope I get alot of sponsors, because I want to raise alot of money. But yeah, I'll keep you guys posted on the clubs and the walk-a-thon! Bye!

Monday, February 14, 2005

My Sad Valentine

Hey everybody. I stayed up late last night trying to finish reading The Grapes of Wrath for English. I didn't go to bed untill 11:30, I laid there and cried for an hour, and I had to wake up at 4:30. I don't really know why I cried. I guess I was just so tired of being alone. I still am. I guess it's just because it's Valentine's Day. I know it's early in the day yet, but I've seen pretty much all of my friends today and I'll I've gotten was a mini chocolate heart and a chocolate Kiss. But I've given out candy bags. It drains me to give love out to everyone and get none of it back.

I talked to my friend Eric yesterday. He's been feeling distanced from Denise (his finacé and my friend who gave me the chocolate heart) and he needed to talk to someone. He cried, and that was the first time I've ever seen (or heard, actually) him cry. He says he goes through the motions at school and at work and then he comes home, turns on the radio even though he doesn't hear it, sits in a chair, and stares at the wall untill someone tells him to get a shower and go to bed. He said he feels comatose. I told him to pray, but he said everytime he gets an answer from God it's not what he wants to hear. I told him God knows what's best, but he still doesn't want to pray. So I told him I would pray for him and he said thanks.

Eric also made my day yesterday (at least for a little while). He told me that I'm a good person and when he has kids he hopes his sons marry someone like me someday. That made me feel a little better. Well anyway, I just hope I get out of this depression. I'll talk to everyone later. God Bless!

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Friend Drama

Wow, so today was another trudging day in my not-such-a-life life. I had to go back to school after Mardi Gras break today, which I didn't want to do. But at least tomorrow's Friday! Yay!

Anyway, there is a big mess going on right now with some of my friends. My best friend Brittanie has either 2 or 3 boyfriends right now (we're not sure about one of them and she's not talking): Beau, Josh, and possibly another Josh. Beau is serious about their relationship, and he wants to stay with her even though he knows she cheated on him. I told him that was great and noble and all, but she's not gonna change. She was supposed to break up with one of the Josh's today with me as her witness, but she didn't do it. I even reminded her in case she "forgot," but she said she didn't want to do it. I want to tell Beau that he should forget Brittanie and move on to something better, but I don't know if he'll listen!

It's such an internal conflict for me. Brittanie is my best friend, but Beau is like my big brother and he always helps and comforts me when I have a problem. He is looking for a serious relationship (he's 25 and he's getting antzy about marriage), and Brittanie is NOT going to give him that and she is NOT going to change. And if I can't get through to Beau, I can TRY to get through to Brittanie and explain to her that she needs to pick one guy at a time and that she needs to grow up. And even though I love her to death, this girl is thick and she is stubborn. You can't tell her anything, because she always thinks her way is better and she does what she wants. So I don't know. The relationship isn't going to work and I'm trying to tell them that now to save them some pain and trouble and neither of them will listen to me.

You see why I'm always depressed? I take on other people's pain and problems and hurts because I want to fix everyone and everything and I want everyone to be happy. I love everybody so hard it's no wonder it hurts me so bad when people leave my life. I thought about Jeremiah last night and I cried so hard. He's been gone for 2 months and I cried last night. I wasn't ready for him to go. Oh well, I'll get over him eventually.

Well, sorry I loaded you with my drama. I need an outlet every now and then or I explode. If anyone has any advice for me, HELP!!!